Well, folks, it’s been another year. A very rough year for many, myself included.
But this isn’t about me. It’s about the events that shaped the world – or, at least, the bit of the world that I inhabited – in 2005.
So, in a sense, it actually is about me. But what did you expect, really? I mean, this is my blog. If you want to hear about your year, go start your own blog. But not until after you read this blog, if for no other reason than to see how not to do it.
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes… It’s been a year – almost to the day, in fact, since last year.
Things happened, other things failed to happen, people died, and some of those we wished would, didn’t. (I’ll get you yet, William Shatner!)
So, let’s take a look at the past year, through the gimlet eye of a bitter, angry, two-pack-a-day smoker who chugs Coca-Cola like it’s going out of style. First up…
Movies
The big story out of Hollywood (or an undisclosed location somewhere nearby) was that George Lucas finally released the last prequel of the Star Wars saga, Revenge of the Sith. And, like the previous prequel, Attack of the Clones, this one included even fewer scenes involving the painfully irritating Jar Jar Binks. Oh, there was also some stuff about Anakin Skywalker turning evil and becoming Darth Vader. But, really, the best part was the refreshing lack of a Jamaican-accented, hairless basset hound that walked on its hind legs.
There was also the highly-publicized split between Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. To me, this can be considered a good thing, because if they had managed to spawn, the world would have come to a crashing end under the oppressive, soul-destroying cuteness that only could have come from such a union. Unfortunately, Pitt has since hooked up with Angelina Jolie, which is almost as dangerous, so I’ll be keeping a close eye on them in the New Year.
Another version of King Kong was released recently, and I haven’t seen it. I have no intention of seeing it, either, because it was directed by Peter Jackson, who also directed the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which was based on the most boring series of books I have ever had the misfortune to have read. Go ahead and flame me. I don’t care. I thought Lord of the Rings sucked. Get over it. You want to read good Fantasy? Read the Discworld series. How long do I have to wait to see some of those novels turned into flicks?
Finally, 2005 also saw the release of The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Many have touted the fact that it has very religious undertones, very much like C. S. Lewis’ story originally did. Being a not particularly religious person, I’m not sure whether I should be offended by this. I mean, I don’t go to the movies to get taught about religion. If I wanted that, I’d watch Pat Robertson on the 700 Club suggesting that Hugo Chavez be assassinated. And yet, I remember reading the story as a child, and I loved it. So, I’m torn. What to do?
Sports
As you know, if you know anything about me, I am a huge hockey fan. You also know that I don’t follow other sports very much. However, for those of you who, quite unreasonably, don’t follow hockey, here’s a little bit about those other sports…
Here in Michigan, we have this little basketball team called The Pistons. You may have heard of them. They’re the team that’s currently running with the best record in the NBA. And possibly the fewest felony convictions.
It’s been a stellar year for the Pistons, so much so that they haven’t had to get into fist fights with the Indiana Pacers this year. Mark your calendars, folks: The championships are coming in…uh… Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t watch basketball, and I have no idea when the championships are, nor do I care. But I do support the teams here in Michigan (except for Michigan State – there’s no getting through to those guys), so I have an obligation to care. As a result, I’m aware of the phrase “Fear the Fro”, but I cannot for the life of me remember who it’s about. I think it’s Ben Wallace, but that’s not a guarantee.
In baseball, the Tigers continued to suck. Nothing to see here. Move along.
Football! Now here’s something interesting… While the Lions also continued to suck, they managed to suck so badly that the fans revolted! After a painfully embarrassing 27-7 Thanksgiving Day loss to the Atlanta Falcons, the team’s owner fired head coach Steve Marriucci and named defensive coordinator Dick Jauron as “interim” coach, meaning “don’t get too comfortable, Dick.”
Unfortunately, this hasn’t helped the Lions’ record, where they have registered just one win since Thanksgiving, bringing their record to 5-10-0. As a result, Lions fans have been calling for the firing of Lions President and CEO Matt Millen, even going so far as to stage a protest outside of Ford Field before the games on December 4th and December 18th. (The one on the 18th was scheduled after one of the protesters was tackled and treated roughly by one of the security guards at the stadium.) But hey… At least they’re showing up for the games, right?
Finally, we move on to the Red Wings. After a whole year without hockey, it’s good to see the Wings back at the Joe. Chris Osgood, who was with the team for two Stanley Cups, returned to the Wings this year…as the number two goalie behind former backup, Manny Legace. Sadly, Legace hasn’t had a lot of ice time lately because he’s been out with a sprained knee since November 25th. Up until then, the Wings were almost unstoppable. Since, however, their record, while still solid, hasn’t been as good. Good enough, however, to hold first place in their division and a tie for third in the league with Philadelphia.
Weather
Normally, I don’t cover the weather in my “Year End Review”, but this was a rather unique year, as many in Florida, Mississippi, Texas, Alabama and, of course, Louisiana would testify.
I mention these states because of the truly bizarre hurricane season that wreaked havoc across the southeast part of the country this past summer. In total, 27 tropical storms formed this year (the 27th just formed early December 30th in the Atlantic), 14 of which turned into actual, full-blown hurricanes, breaking two records (21 tropical storms in 1933 and 12 hurricanes in 1969). Several of those hurricanes, most notably hurricane Katrina, followed by hurricane Rita, hit the United States, causing massive flooding and causing hundreds of deaths and billions in damage.
In Louisiana, flood waters caused the levees around New Orleans to breach, flooding a huge part of the city. Thousands of people were left without homes, clothing, or even the basic necessities, such as food and water. (More on this later.) In Texas, numerous oil platforms were put out of commission, pushing up gas prices to ridiculous prices. In Florida, it was business as usual.
But Brownie… Well, he did a heckuvva job… Which brings us to…
Politics
This is going to be the longest section.
Starting off the year by being inaugurated a second time (once again under claims of questionable election results), George “Dubya” Bush, along with several other members in his party, had a red-letter year. The inaugural event was pretty expensive, too. And let’s not forget that money was diverted from Washington, D.C.’s Homeland Security budget to pay for it.
There are so many scandals I don’t know where to start… So let’s go with the new details on the old news.
I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Vice-president “Big” Dick Cheney’s Chief-of-Staff, was indicted by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald for lying to a grand jury during the investigation of the leak that outed CIA operative Valerie Plame. Many on the right suggested that this was only because Fitzgerald didn’t have anything to prove that there was a concerted effort to expose Plame and discredit her husband, former ambassador Joe Wilson. Fitzgerald pointed out that it’s kind of hard to find out who was doing what when nobody will tell him the truth. Dubya’s personal advisor and political hit man, Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove is still under investigation by a new grand jury, and is also looking at a possible indictment.
Texas Republican, House Speaker and GOP pimp Tom DeLay had to step down from his position due to an inconvenient indictment for money laundering. Of course, DeLay insists that it’s a partisan witch hunt. And now it looks like he’s linked with indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who is under investigation for paying politicians to give a bit of a hand with getting legislation put through for his clients. Congress is shaking in its shoes, because if Abramoff works a deal, he’ll more than likely name some names.
Tennessee Republican Bill Frist is also under investigation for insider trading after dumping a load of stock in HAD Inc., a hospital company Frist’s father and brother founded, shortly before the stock dropped.
Former horse breeder and FEMA Director Michael Brown, as hurricane Katrina was destroying New Orleans, let his secretary answer his e-mails while he had a nice dinner. He also failed to turn on his TV for two days after, thereby completely failing to hear anything about the thousands of people who were starving and dehydrating outside the Superdome until he happened to glance at a newspaper. Unfortunately, nobody bothered to brief Dubya, who, during a photo op, said to Brown, “Brownie, you’re doin’ a heckuvva job…”
Speaking of Dubya and Katrina, the Shrub completely failed to acknowledge that anything abnormal was happening and continued with his vacation. He did turn up a day early, though, for the look of things, only to say during an interview, “Nobody could have guessed that the levees would break,” which turned out to be a bald-faced lie, in light of a report that was published two years before, stating that a Category 5 hurricane would, in fact, breach the levees and flood most of New Orleans. Whoops.
Dubya did, however, fare better than Big Dick, who blew off the whole thing to keep enjoying his vacation in a bunker deep under his home state of Wyoming. When he finally crawled out of his hole, blinking in the sunlight, he visited the devastated areas to do interviews and blame it all on the Democratic Mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, and Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco. An anonymous voter offered his advice to Cheney during an interview: “Go f*** yourself, Mr. Cheney. Go f*** yourself.” Thank Gawd for free speech.
In further Dubya news, the Democrats in the Senate, as well as four Republican congressmen, forced the White House and the rest of the Republicans to accept a short extension to 16 parts of the Patriot Act, Dubya’s freedom-stealing legislation that was passed shortly after the events of 9/11, that were set to expire on December 31st. While Bush claimed he would not accept anything other than having those 16 items made permanent, he realized that sometimes a slice of pie is better than nothing at all.
Another project of Dubya’s that seems to have all but disappeared off the face of the earth is his Social Security proposal that would put everyone’s money into private accounts. Nobody was heard complaining.
Instead of worrying about these piddling little items, Curious George decided it was time to be honest with America. It turned out, he said recently, that a lot of the information his administration had received leading up to the war in Iraq was, in fact, wrong. And, because he was in charge, he was responsible. Admittedly, it’s not an outright admission that he lied, but it was a step in the right direction.
He also mentioned something about ordering illegal wiretapping and bypassing the FISA (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) court, which was set up to keep that sort of thing from happening. It turns out that those darn FISA judges were altering so many of his orders, mainly because they were too broad, that he decided he didn’t need their permission. Everyone is currently in an uproar over the whole thing, and many are calling for impeachment proceedings.
The death toll of American soldiers in Iraq reached 2000 this year, putting Dubya well ahead of President Johnson’s toll after an equal amount of time in Vietnam. When asked recently about the number of civilian casualties in Iraq, the Shrub offhandedly stated, “Around 30,000.”
And speaking of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, who had absolutely nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks, finally went on trial. He’s not handling it well, what with members of his and his co-defendants’ team of lawyers turning up dead occasionally, and has been removed from the courtroom several times for causing disturbances in the court. During his outbursts, he has claimed that he did not recognize the court, he has been tortured, and he is still president of Iraq.
The people of Iraq, however, do not agree, and have held two elections this year, with another scheduled for sometime next year. So, it’s not all bad news from Iraq. Just mostly.
Democrat John P. Murtha of Pennsylvania, a respected congressman who is well-known as a supporter of the military, suggested earlier this year that the time had come to begin the removal of forces from Iraq “within six months.” He was immediately attacked by Republicans, including freshman congressperson Jean Schmidt (R-Ohio), who called him a coward, earning a chorus of boos from Democrats and Republicans alike.
Also, in an attempt to prove to the world that Democrats are just a bunch of sissies who are only interested in politics, House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill) introduced a resolution demanding immediate withdrawal of troops from Iraq. Naturally, because it wasn’t what the Democrats were suggesting, they voted it down. The public was not impressed. Instead, the whole thing was interpreted as the Republicans being a bunch of sissies who are only interested in politics. Go figure.
In 2006, there will be midterm elections in congress, and I suspect that things are going to change drastically. I also suggest that Dubya start sucking up big time, because if the Democrats regain control of the House and the Senate, I can almost guarantee that there will be even more impeachment talk, and possible actions, as well.
And finally, we come to…
Music
Since I don’t pay much attention to what’s going on with music – I don’t even listen to the radio anymore – I’m just going to talk about my own music news for the year.
But first, the only thing I’m absolutely sure of this year is that the Rolling Stones have, yet again, gone on tour in celebration of the fact that they have failed to die, contrary to the average life-spans of average humans who haven’t been pickled by alcohol and drugs. What could possibly be more exciting than seeing four pieces of beef jerky churning out all your favorite hits?
I joined yet another band this year. However, in a departure from previous years, I didn’t leave a different one first. The band I joined is called Damaged Goods, and it includes members of Donkey Show (another band I was involved in) and Instant Gypsies. It’s a nice departure from the stuff I play with my other band, Loaded. Damaged Goods plays harder rock, while Loaded is more the classic rock kind. If you happen to be up this way, let me know and I’ll save you a table at one of the gigs.
And that wraps up 2005. It wasn’t great. In many ways, it wasn’t good. So here’s hoping that 2006 will be a whole lot better.
Happy New Year!
All the best,
Derek
(DCF)
Subscribe to The DCF News