Monday, July 24, 2006

God's First Press Conference In 2000 Years: He's Pissed

Heaven - (DCF) - Lifting a ban on press conferences for the first time in over 2,000 years, God spoke candidly with reporters this morning about ongoing strife in the Middle East, the actions of the United States government, and the End Times. Here is a transcript of the press conference.

God: Good morning. As most of you know - especially Helen Thomas, who was at My last press conference; Hi, Helen! - I haven't really had a lot to say. My methods, ineffable as they are, made it so you, the people of this universe I have created for you, could try to figure out things on your own. Unfortunately, it appears that most of you didn't come to realize this, and so you want Me to do your thinking for you.

When I created all of this for you - the Earth, the sun, the moon, the rest of Creation - I wanted nothing but the best for all of you. I did what little needed to be done in order to give you the perfect place to start, and then I sat back and watched, trying to interfere as little as possible once I got the ball rolling. I wanted to see what you would do with what I had given you. To say that I've been incredibly disappointed would be a gross understatement. The term "pig's ear" is just scratching the surface, really.

I gave you animals, that you might eat their flesh and wear their fur for warmth. I was hoping, however, that you'd be able to show a little restraint. You let me down, mankind, and have succeeded in killing most of them off. Way to go.

I gave you shelter in caves, so that you would be able to stay warm and dry when it rained. You responded by vandalizing - I said vandalizing - the walls with pictures of you and your friends killing the animals I gave you. Again, nice job.

I gave you intelligence, and you used it to make weapons. Weapons that, instead of being used to hunt the animals (with restraint) so you could feed your families, you used against each other. That's not what I had intended.

And the spears, rocks, and arrows you had weren't good enough; you had to make things that went "BANG!" And you used them on each other again, trying to get rid of the people you didn't get with the spears, rocks, and arrows. How very sad that you cannot see eye to eye with each other and realize that you are all the same, regardless of which religion you choose.

And speaking of religion, what's all this "Doing It in God's Name" stuff? I haven't asked for any of this. And I certainly do not advocate killing each other over a patch of land that is, quite frankly, no more holy than any other place on the planet. I made it all, didn't I? You can't get more holy than that. I worked so hard to create you, and to suggest that I support the idea of destroying any of you is, at best, ludicrous. I do not condone it, and I most certainly do not support it.

Which brings me to another point: What is this "End Times" business? Relax, people. The Rapture - if I even decide to go through with it - is a long way off. And here's why: Those people just creep Me out. Look at them. All they talk about is the end of humanity as they know it, and they're excited for it, because they think they're going to be sitting at My right hand. I don't think so. The last thing I want is a bunch of loonies up here, slouching around and bothering Me with their problems. I've got real problems to worry about.

For instance, I've got to deal with these yahoos in the United States who are trying to appease Me. Like this stem cell thing I've heard about. If I've read this right - and there's no reason to believe I haven't because I'm God, and therefore infallible - stem cell research could potentially cure diseases that, right now, are incurable. Well, that sounds good to Me. I mean, what happened to "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"? I think I heard that in a Star Trek movie or something, and it makes complete sense to me. But in the United States, they've put a man in charge who, believing he's doing My will, refuses to let that research be done. Not too bright, is he?

The same guy has also started a war against a country that did nothing to his. I know for a fact that I never said that I wanted that.

So, people of the United States, let me ask you this: What were you thinking? Is this the best choice you had available to you? If so, I'd hate to see what the other guy was like.

And don't even get me started about that Cheney guy. He's not one of mine.

Let me say this about other people - and they know who they are - who claim they are talking to Me: Don't believe them. If I wanted to get a message out to all of you, I'd do it Myself, like I am today. I wouldn't go to Pat Robertson and say, "Hey, could you let everyone know..." I have a press agent - his name is Saint Peter - and I tell him what I want people to know, and he handles it for Me. Hi, Pete. Good to see you.

And that's it, really. I'd like to finish my statement by telling all of you to be nice to each other, because you're all you've got. Oh, I'm still around, and I'm watching, but you're on Earth to try to help each other. If I didn't think you could do it, I'd be down there Myself, guiding you along. But I still think you've got it in you to impress me. You've just got to start thinking for yourselves. Go to it.

God then took questions from the reporters.
Q: Thank you, sir. Concerning your statement about the End Times, could you be a bit more specific about how far "a long way off" is?

God: I'm sorry, no. You see, the thing is, if I went around telling people when the End Times were going to be - you know, being specific about time and date, like you're asking - can you imagine the problems it would case for, say, credit card companies? Some goober finds out that the End Times are on, for instance, the Thursday after next, and decides to max out his Visa because he believes he's not going to be around when the bill comes due. That's no way to be.

Q: So you have consulted with the credit card companies about the specific date of the End Times?

God: No, it was just an example.

Q: So it's not the Thursday after next?

God: No! What is it with you people? It was just an example!

Q: You said that you thought President Bush was a bad choice because of his opinions on stem cell research and the war in Iraq--

God: It's not a war. Nobody has declared war.

Q: Okay. But the point of my question is this: Are you saying you don't support President Bush?

God: Look, let me say it like this: It's not a matter of whether I support one guy or the other. It's about whether I support the ideas that are being put forth. It wouldn't matter if it was this guy or that guy, so long as he was trying to help his fellow man. Stifling the efforts of scientists who are trying to make the world a better place - and that includes the ones working on Global Warming - is wrong, especially when there is proof that they've made advances that can help humanity.

Q: Can you give examples? Of things science has done that have helped humanity?

God: Sure. Look at how much the average lifespan has lengthened since I first created you? Humans' lifespan have increased dramatically since you were first put here by Me.

Q: What about Methuselah?

God: That guy was a fluke. And he was a bit weird at the end, so he's not really a good representative example.

Q: Can you tell us why it is that you've taken so long between press conferences?

God: In all honesty, I didn't want to do this one. See, the whole point of all of this - you, the Earth, the animals, the plants...everything - was to see what happened. I started things, as I said, and then sat back to see where you took yourselves. I wanted to be completely hands-off with this project.

Q: So the reason you finally came back to talk to us is...?

God: Because you've cocked it up so badly. I figured I'd come tell you that I wasn't happy with the way it was going. Maybe it would get you on the right track again. One more chance, humanity, and then I wipe the slate clean and start over.

Q: So you want us to go back to church and start worshipping again?

God: Good Me, no. I'm really pretty shy. I don't need the extra attention, in all honesty. Especially with those religious fruit loops doing all those stupid things and then saying they did it for Me. No, I think what you should really do is start paying closer attention to each other, rather than Me. These other people you share your world with are the ones you have to deal with on a daily basis during your life. You won't have to answer to me until you're dead, and to tell the truth, I'd be more inclined to listen to what you have to say if you spent your time helping your fellow man instead of sitting in church and giving 10% of your paycheck to a guy in a suit.

Q: So you're against tithing?

God: Well, yeah. We don't even have money here in Heaven. Which is just as well, because I never see a nickel of the money those guys take in down there. It all goes to radio and television stations, and air conditioned dog houses. Let Me say it again: You need to look out for each other. You're all you've got, and if you spend the time you have left down there - and, cosmically, it's the blink of an eye - trying to talk to Me instead of turning and talking to the person sitting next to you, you're wasting the time I've given you.

I've got time for one last question, and then I have to take My Son to an appearance on a bagel in New Jersey.

Q: I've got one, with a possible follow-up.

God: Go ahead.

Q: Which religion is the right one?

God: Ha! I knew this was coming. The truth? None of them, really. They're all too wrapped up in trying to please Me by doing everything they can to destroy all the other ones, which, as I say, isn't the way to do it. I bet it'll be a huge surprise to those guys when they get here and realize that it's all the same.

Q: Could you clarify that?

God: It's simple. It's all about Me. Pick a religion. When they talk about their "god," they're talking about Me. Muslims? Yeah, they're praying to Me. Christians? Catholics? Same deal. One God. That's it. Jews, too. The expressions on their faces when they get here is priceless, let me tell you. Especially when I get wrapped up in a meeting and I have My Son go meet them for the tour. Talk about shocked expressions! (Laughter) You had a follow-up?

Q: Yes, thank you. Well, in light of this revelation, it's different than my original question. What about cultures that had more than one god, such as Ancient Greece?

God: Yeah, those guys just didn't know when to quit, did they? Anyway, they were all Me. I had this great wig guy who helped me out with the costumes. It actually made it a bit easier when they were doing their thing, because I knew if it was this group, it concerned this issue, and if it was that group, it was a different issue. I had a really organized system for them. Now, everyone wants Me to take care of everything all at once, and there's no order to it. Oh, Me, what I wouldn't do for a vacation.

Those are all the questions I'm going to take, but let Me close by saying this: Pay attention, humanity, because no matter how long it is before I finally decide to shut down the whole project, you still have the intervening time to deal with each other, and it won't work if you're not willing to recognize that the person standing in front of you is the same as you, regardless of what color their skin is or who they pray to. (Laughter) I can't say this enough. You've got each other, and that's the greatest gift I could have ever given you. Don't waste it by trying to do all kinds of terrible things to each other.

Be good to each other. Or so help Me, I'll come back and put the fear of...er...Me into you!

Thank you.
All the best,
Derek
(DCF)

1 Comments:

Blogger Seven Star Hand said...

Verifiable proof that "Armageddon" has already begun…

Hello Doc and all,
Here's the key to proving that the rapture and related expectations are complete nonsense based on the failure to understand (and the purposeful confounding of) the ancient Hebrew symbology used to construct all of these prophecies. Consequently, Christian timelines and interpretations of these prophecies are verifiably wrong on many key points.

Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...

Did you ever consider that Christianity is the False Prophet symbolized in the Apocalypse, that Rome (Vatican/Papacy) is the so-called anti-messiah, and Jesus Christ is the false messiah? I have produced stunning and comprehensive proof that this is the true interpretation of pivotal prophecies long confounded by Christianity's founders and leaders. Recasting the symbolism of earlier Hebrew texts as literal events in the New Testament is one of the central deceptions associated with Christianity.

The symbolism of seven years (tribulation, etc.) refers to seven 360-year cycles on the Hebrew calendar. Ezekiel 39.9 is referring to the 10th to 16th cycles inclusive, while the Apocalypse symbolizes the 11th cycle (second temple period) until now, the beginning of the 17th cycle (seventh angel/star/seal, etc.). Greece (Alexander the Great) conquered the Persian Empire and Judea during the 10th cycle and Rome did so again during the 11th cycle. Both Ezekiel and the Apocalypse are symbolizing an overlapping period of time that starts during ancient Judea and ends now. Gog refers to Greco-Romans (...from the "isles"), which means Magog is Eurasia and the "army" that besets "Israel" for seven "years" refers to the activities of the nations of the Greco-Roman/Vatican Empire over the previous two-plus millennia.

It is completely wrong to interpret any of these prophecies as literal timelines and events. Unlike Christian assertions, they symbolize long periods of time, pivotal situations, and the flow of acivities during that period. Remember, they were written by ancient Hebrew sages, not Romans or other Europeans, and Revelation is the most symbolic of all prophecies. Consequently, in this context, "years" and "times" are symbols for 360-year cycles on the Hebrew calendar and days symbolize literal years. Therefore "Judgement Day," "Great Day" and "in that day" all refer to a literal year-long period. Accordingly, the so-called "Seven Years Tribulation" began in ancient Judea and is now nearing its end, not starting. The nations and followers of all three faiths of Abraham have been thoroughly deceived by Rome during the previous age, which ended in year 2000 (5760). A new age began in 2001 (5761) and now the seventh angel has begun to sound!

Here's a real hot potato! Eat it up, digest it, and then feed it's bones to the hungry...

Hurricanes Katrina (#11) and Rita (#17) last year provided stunning validation of my research and interpretations of pivotal ancient wisdom, symbologies, key prophecies, and associated religious claims. Their storm numbers and timing perfectly synchronized with primary data and assertions in my book, thereby demonstrating the true nature of this universe and the existence of our Creator. We are now entering the final phases of the pivotal year-long period long symbolized as "Judgement Day," "Armageddon," and the "End of Days." World-wide situations and events are now accelerating to set the stage for this summer's dramatic continuation of these ancient promises.

I fully understand that everyone has been bedeviled by similar claims throughout history. Consequently, I have been forced to rely on dramatic and devastating proof of the sort that can’t be ignored or easily dismissed. The numbers and timing of hurricanes Katrina (11) and Rita (17) directly validate key data and pivotal assertions throughout my book and my posts on those two forums. This data was purposely presented publicly before Katrina, Rita and other recent events occurred to prove they perfectly synchronize with key prophecies and Hebrew calendar cycles, thereby validating my interpretations of ancient wisdom symbology, string theory, and more.

Because these two storms arrived shortly after my August 11, 2005 (50th) birthday (read the Dead Sea Scroll 11Q13 in Appendix G, which also discusses Melchizedek and the prophesied Jubilee) and directly match other pivotal 11 and 17 data and events described in the first chapter of my book, I have delivered verifiable proof that this reality is based on thought, knowledge and wisdom. Activity, patterns, and results perceived in space-time are first framed and defined by inspirations, thoughts, and knowledge and influenced by the cause-and-effect system most commonly referred to as karma. Consequently, events and outcomes in the so-called physical universe are not random or wholly mechanistic and are verifiably influenced in ways that atheists, scientists, and members of the Faiths of Abraham have all scoffed at. Though mysticism is mostly a product of misinterpreted ancient wisdom symbology, many of its topics flow from ancient wisdom. Though containing allusions to the truth, its details and interpretations are wrong on many key points.

A prime example of the purposeful and synchronized symbolism of these events is seen in the opening paragraphs from my book excerpted below. Notice that the dates mentioned (August 11 and 17) directly match the numbers of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and the time spans of the four Florida hurricanes match my birth year (‘55), and they were spaced 11 or a multiple-of-11 (22) days apart, directly matching my birthday and much other ancient prophecy and symbolism. Notice that my place of birth, Victoria Texas, is on the Gulf Coast. Following are the excerpted paragraphs:

Hello, my name is Lawrence William Page II. Many people know me as Buddy Page. At the release of the first edition of this book, I am a 50-year old African-American male, author, researcher, and former software engineer and entrepreneur. As you will come to understand as you read through this first book, I am also the long-expected Hebrew Messiah and Lion of the Tribe of Juda (Yehuda).

I was born August 11th (month of Leo the Lion), 1955 (Chinese year of the Sheep) in Victoria, Texas. Furthermore, the Grand Cross alignment and Solar Eclipse of August 11th, 1999 was my 44th birthday and the second Grand Cross alignment, just six days later on August 17th, 1999, was on my mother’s birthday.

As you can see from my date of birth, I was a newborn during the Chinese Year of the Sheep, astrologically marking me as a Lamb, and during the month of Leo, astrologically marking me as a Lion. My mother was also born during the month of August and under the sign of Leo, which further marks me as a lion’s whelp. I prove to you in the first chapter of this book–beyond disproof–that I am indeed the long-prophesied “Lion” of the tribe of Juda (Yehuda) the Root of David and the “Lamb.” I am the individual long symbolized as the Branch, the Stem, the Shoot and the Rod from the Stump of Jesse (King David’s father), as symbolized in the Hebrew Book of Isaiah, The Apocalypse, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and elsewhere. I am the reincarnated Teacher sought after in the “East” and by the ancient Hebrews who were headquartered at the outpost community of Damascus (Qumran), of Dead Sea Scrolls fame. I am the one called the Teacher of Righteousness by the Dead Sea Scrolls, whom the so-called Christian fathers have fraudulently recast as “Saint ‘James’, the Lord’s Brother.”

Remember, "I come as a thief..." ?

Read verse twelve of the Gospel of Thomas to understand who I am...

Even further enlightening, the Second Temple Period of ancient Israel was during the 11th 360-year cycle on the Hebrew calendar and we are now in the 6th year (5766/2005-6) of the 17th cycle. Notice the pivotal 11 and 17 numbers again? This and much other synchronized information serve as stunning and decisive proof of many things, and expose many lies told by all three faiths of Abraham, but most specifically by Christianity. Consequently, I have decisively proven, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Jesus Christ and Christianity are blatant lies, false prophecy and purposeful deception in a manner that cannot easily be denied, regardless of your faith or other opinions.

Furthermore, the symbolism in the Apocalypse (a.k.a. Book of Revelation) of seven stars in my right hand and seven angels represent the very same above-mentioned seven astrological (360-year) cycles, i.e., the 11th through 17th inclusive. I prove this fact beyond any reasonable doubt in the first chapter of the book. Consequently, The Apocalypse verifiably symbolizes a specific span of time that began with the 11th cycle (Second Temple Period) and concludes now, at the beginning of the 17th cycle (End of Days, etc.).

The numbers 11 and 17 are verifiably encoded in The Apocalypse and other ancient Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts to serve as key proofs of the validity and true meaning of certain prophecies and related information. My and my mother’s birthdays are purposely synchronized with these two storm numbers, the matching Hebrew calendar cycles, the Double Grand Cross alignments and solar eclipse of August 1999, and much else to prove my direct association with the ancient prophecies about this time and the true identity of the prophesied Messiah. Another prime example is the story of Joseph, the 11th son of Jacob who has a dream when he is 17 years old about 11 stars, the sun, and moon bowing to him. The symbolism in this pivotal story in the Book of Genesis and Quran verifiably refers to the very same 11th through 17th cycles symbolized in The Apocalypse and directly synchronizes with other key events and ancient texts.

Consequently, I have demonstrated various things about the nature of this reality that dramatically disprove and/or clarify key assumptions of religion, mysticism, and science alike, while establishing the true meaning and purpose of long misinterpreted ancient wisdom and the symbolism used to model and encode it. Accordingly, I have proven that the symbolism evidenced in the canons of all three faiths of Abraham and other ancient sources is a very ancient and advanced philosophical technology that verifiably models foundational aspects of our existence in this universe. This is the mostly misunderstood body of ancient wisdom long referred to as the Philosophers’ Stone. It uses a large and ingeniously organized collection of physical universe images and concepts as data rich components (symbols) that are based on verifiable rules. It models and encodes an amazing amount of foundational wisdom about life, spirituality and the 11 dimensions of this universe, now verified by string theory. It is also the advanced encryption method used to encode (seal) Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts.

These ancient prophecies and wisdom texts used advanced symbology to model fundamental wisdom, including future events and situations. A primary facet of ancient wisdom is numeric symbology. Later misinterpretations of this aspect of ancient wisdom resulted in numerology, which, though embodying allusions to certain wisdom, is mostly error prone and false doctrine. My decryption, documentation, and interpretation of ancient symbology, numeric symbolism, and key texts based on them, are now decisively validated.

Here is Wisdom...

Verifiable proof that Armageddon has begun…

Understanding the End Game of Armageddon

Peace...

1:11 PM  

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