Well, here we are. It’s officially 2006 now, and it still hasn’t really sunk in yet. In fact, I’m still not sure what Thanksgiving and Christmas were all about, let alone New Year’s Eve.
Don’t get me wrong – I like the holiday season. I just feel like “Holiday Season ‘05” wasn’t that big of a deal for some reason. I don’t know why. Well, that’s not entirely true. I know part of what the problem was – for me anyway – but I also know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
From the beginning of last year, it seemed like it was going to be a losing proposition from beginning to end. Nothing felt like it was going right, and every time I turned on the TV or picked up a newspaper I found that it wasn’t just an unjustified feeling of apprehension that I was having. The economy was going into the crapper, jobs were being lost left and right – largely because they were being outsourced to other countries where workers were cheaper, the people who still had jobs were being treated worse and worse, gas prices were ridiculous, the current administration was using the Constitution as its own personal doormat, much to the indifference of a Republican-controlled Congress that was mired in its own problems, and an unwanted war continued to drain the country and its people of their faith in the government.
And this year doesn’t appear to be looking much better, so far.
So what went wrong? Why is it that I’ve lost the sense of excitement that I used to have at the beginning of every New Year for as long as I can remember?
I had always looked forward to New Year’s Eve. It meant a chance to get together with friends and/or family and just have a good time as we welcomed the New Year. For most of the past twenty-plus years, it also meant a getting out and playing one last gig of the year – the BIG gig. There was excitement in the air, and a sense of optimism that the New Year would bring about a host of new and interesting experiences and activities. When we watched Dick Clark (or, if you were some sort of philistine, someone on a different channel) count down the last ten seconds of the year, everyone would get worked into a frenzy and the noise would be almost unbearable. Noisemakers and those squeaky horns would blurt as the seconds counted and the big ball in Times Square dropped. And as the big sign would light up, welcoming the New Year, the crowd would cheer, confetti would fly around, and friends and relatives would hug or kiss or shake hands in celebration of making it another year. “Auld Lang Syne” would be played, and there was always someone who knew all of the words. The rest of the crowd, most of them drunk, would mumble along, singing the few words they could remember. Champagne corks would pop. Fun stuff.
While the celebration was there, albeit in a more subdued manner than normal, the rest was missing. There was no sense of excitement or optimism. Instead of a feeling of “here’s a fresh start”, it was more of a feeling of “at last, it’s over.”
And for me, personally, what was supposed to be the big gig of the year felt like just another night.
And now, I’ve got a whole new year facing me. Rather than feeling excited and optimistic, I’m nervous and worried. Sure, the political stuff isn’t much of a help – it looks like business as usual, although it appears that Jack Abramoff (I just realized I spelled his name wrong in my “Year In Review” post) is going to start naming names as part of his plea bargain, which should make things pretty interesting in Washington, D.C. – but this feeling of apprehension is on more of a personal level. It feels like something major is ending, but I haven’t got a clue what it is.
Is it just me? Am I the only one who feels like this? I don’t think so, because just about everyone I’ve asked about it has said that they, too, were feeling a little twitchy. However, they also could not explain why they felt this way. They just said that nothing seemed right last year, all year long, and Christmas was more or less the peak of blandness for them. It just felt like another day, the only difference being that on any other given day, friends and family didn’t usually show up to give them things for no reason.
Anyway, as negative as I feel about the past year, and apprehensive as I feel about this year, there is a tiny seed of optimism inside me that keeps telling me things are going to get better.
I hope it’s right. With feelings of discontent like this, and an overwhelming sense of despondency, I wouldn’t want to see what it would be like if it got worse.
All the best,
Derek
(DCF)
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