Weekend Round-Up: Bring Da Noise, Bring Da Funk Edition

It's been a few days, so let's take a look at what happened over the weekend.

• Harry Whittington, the 78-year old lawyer from Texas that Vice President "Big Dick" Cheney shot in the face last Saturday, was released from Christus Spohn Memorial Hospital in Corpus Christi on Friday. Reading a prepared statement to the press, he apologized to the Vice President "for all he had to go through." (The Huffington Post helped Cheney release a musical tribute to Whittington. They also have a more lyrical statement from Whittington.) What the hell? Apparently, being in the way of the Vice President's birdshot when he's trying to shoot a bird is clearly an affront and worthy of an apology.

• Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) apologized on Friday to 33 Republican senators whom he had singled out for ethics criticism in a report he released Thursday, entitled "Republican Abuse of Power." Again, what the hell? Shouldn't the people who violate ethical standards in the Senate be brought to the public's attention?

• Representative Randall "Duke" Cunningham was sentenced to 10 years for accepting more than a few bribes. As the 35-page sentencing memorandum says, "Having admitted unparalleled corruption, defendant Randall H. Cunningham now comes before the Court to be sentenced for his stunning betrayal of the public trust."


• Dubya lies a lot. No, really. A whole lot. Glenn Greenwald listened to a speech given a few days ago, and made a neat little list of propaganda and lies from the mouth of the Chimp-in-Chief himself.


• Ann "Man Hands" Coulter, a favorite of my brother ("I think she's funny," he says), is looking at the possibility of five years in jail for voter fraud. Coulter, a far-right mouthpiece who is better known for being a bitter, spiteful skank than for actually knowing what she's talking about, registered to vote in the wrong precinct, willfully falsifying her voter registration, even after a poll worker tried to point out her error. Of course, I have no doubt that Ann will remain true-to-form and say it's some sort of Liberal witch hunt.


• Former FEMA Director Michael Brown - as in "Brownie, you're doin' a heckuvva job" - told the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee on Friday that he was being used as a "scapegoat" by the government in the wake of its inadequte response to Hurricane Katrina.


• In related news, Representative Thomas Davis (R-VA) suggested that FEMA should be made a Cabinet-level organization, stating that FEMA needs to be "at the right arm of the White House during any crisis." White House lapdog Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT), however, feels that the entire organization should be scrapped and rebuilt, but it should remain under the control of the Department of Homeland Security. In a rare change of policy, I'm siding with the Republican representative. Homeland Security was controlling FEMA when Katrina hit, and we saw how well that worked.


• Dubai Ports World has been given permission to take over security at six major American ports after purchasing the company that originally handled port security, London-based Peninsular and Oriental Steam Navigation Company. Dubai is a company from the United Arab Emerites and, according to a report from CNN.com, "[c]ritics have cited the UAE's history as an operational and financial base for the hijackers who carried out the attacks of September 11, 2001. In addition, they contend the UAE was an important transfer point for shipments of smuggled nuclear components sent to Iran, North Korea and Libya by a Pakistani scientist." And let us not forget the personal connection that Dubya and Poppy Bush have with the Saudi royal family. Apparently, cronyism doesn't stop with putting local buddies in cushy cabinet posts.

And now, to finish things off, a few funny bits.

Are you a grown adult who loves rap music but are just too darn embarrassed to walk into a music store and ask for the latest Snoop Dog CD? Do you get a lot of strange looks from the teenagers in the car next to you when you crank up your Sir Mix-A-Lot CD and "kick it old school"? Sure, who doesn't? But worry no more!

• Thanks to the Gourds you can listen to "Gin and Juice" and still maintain the appearance of being a mature adult.


• And courtesy of Jonathan Coulton, you can still bump to "Baby Got Back" without, frankly, looking like a complete ninny.

Who doesn't like good political satire?

• "The House That Jack Bribed" is a great little piece from The Capitol Steps, a political comedy group, about the Abramoff Scandal.


• Check out The Keyboard Kommandos over at Poor Man Institute. The newest episode is hilarious! Be sure to take a look at the past editions, as well.
  


• You remember them from the 2004 election and their hilarious Flash cartoons, including "This Land Is My Land". Go check out the folks at JibJab.com for a few more laughs.

And a few other items, just for kicks...

• For those of you who enjoy photojournalism, check out this stunning collection of photos documenting Saddam Hussein's thrilling "Rock, Paper, Scissors" battle during his trial! (Make sure to check out the sequel: "The Painting")


• If you haven't heard of the "Star Wars Kid" video by now, you're no son of mine.


• Everyone knows the "Roxbury Guys" (played by Chris Kattan and Will Farrell) from Saturday Night Live, right? Well, here's a nifty little page where you can see new versions of them, including Star Wars, Star Trek, Anime, Nintendo and Gigapet versions!


• I do believe I've found the church for me. Check out the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, started by concerned citizen Bobby Henderson, who was trying to convince the Kansas School Board that teaching the theory of Intelligent Design was making a mockery of real science, and ended up inadvertently starting his own religion. The Church of FSM believes that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. It also believes that the gradual increase of the world's average temperature is directly related to the decrease in the number of pirates. (And they've even got scientific-looking charts to prove it!)
  


• And, since you're checking out the Flying Spaghetti Monster, why not go look into some new headgear to wear to church.
  

And that just about wraps it up for the Weekend Round-Up. Coming up next time, 20 great dining room table centerpieces you can make out of discarded cigarette butts, dryer lint, and old tampon applicators!

All the best,
Derek
(DCF)