The Story Everyone (Except The Press) Is Talking About

Why isn't the so-called "liberal media" picking up on Stephen Colbert's appearance at the White House Correspondents' Dinner?

Sure, the president's appearance with his doppelganger was funny - although a bit disturbing; it was a bit like having a look inside Dubya's head and hearing exactly what he thinks (I know that was the idea, but I can't shake the belief that what was being passed off as humor and self-deprecation was actually a blinding glimpse into reality) - but Colbert was on fire! And was completely ignored in the media. Perhaps it was because of this comment:

As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.

Or maybe it was this:

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!

Of course, this wasn't about the media, even if it is called the White House Correspondents' Dinner. No, it was about the president, and one of the few chances some people will get to take cheap shots at him without him being able to throw them in a secret CIA gulag in Europe. As I said, Dubya's bit was pretty funny (if mildly disturbing). But he was clearly outshone by Colbert, who, in his guise as the Stephen Colbert who hosts The Colbert Report - a staunch conservative Republican with only the slightest grasp on reality, pulled no punches against anyone in attendance, in the name of snark and satire:

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.

OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

You know... A post like this just about writes itself. With that in mind, let me direct you to a few more quotes before I finish it with a couple of links...

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

And...

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

And, finally, some more of his jabs at the press...

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

If you found these quotes amusing, you can read the entire transcript of Colbert's speech here. Better yet, if you've got BitTorrent, you can download the whole presentation (including Dubya's bit) here in high res!

Give it a look, won't we?

All the best,
Derek
(DCF)